THE REUNION

Yesterday I went along to the reunion with very mixed feelings.

Would I know anyone, recognise anyone, have anything to talk to them about?

Yes, yes and no.

So there you have it.

I walked into the school hall and 'signed in'. I immediately saw some people I recognised and went over to join them. There were many people there of whom I had no memory at all. I kind of expected that.

I smiled and nodded politely to the ones I did recognise. We exchanged the obligatory "Hi. How are you? Nice to see you again." Then drifted apart.

There they all were, talking, laughing, standing in groups - the same groups they used to stand in over 35 years ago.

And there was I. Standing on the outside wishing I could join in - the same way I used to over 35 years ago.

Another 'outsider' friend and I drifted together like magnets and stuck there for as long as we both could take it. Our smiles became forced and eventually we walked out and came back here for a cuppa.

Depressed.

Yes, it was depressing. Depressing and pathetic in an odd sort of way. The "in" crowd was still "in", and the "outsiders" were still "out".

Why couldn't I join in? What stopped me from walking up to the groups, being cheerful and just talking with them?

Maybe I simply didn't have anything in common with them. Maybe that's what it was all along. I was too different. I could see right through the thin veneer of social status and popularity to the real beings beneath.

But we were all just kids then. We were finding our feet and learning to make our way in the world.

My way wasn't their way. Still isn't.

I write science fiction. I use earth energy to heal animals and sooth the souls of people who bring tragedy with them into this lifetime from a past life. I can see auras. I look at the world through a shimmering rainbow of colour and energy.

What do they see when they see me?

It's not that I don't want to get to know these people. We all shared a common experience - the dreaded school years. It shouldn't be that hard for me to make the first move.

But it is. The barrier that prevented me from joining in with them all those years ago, is still there.

I am different. And I have moved on.

I remember all too well the pain, loneliness, heartache, the longing to belong, wishing I had one true friend to cling to... Yes, I remember all that. It makes me sad when I think back to that poor, skinny misfit of years ago with shockingly bad skin. I wish that I could have gone back in time and said to the then me: "See us now! Look how nice our skin turns out. See how rich and wonderful life can be. We have a future, you and I. A very different one from these people."

Ah, but now we're talking science fiction... and wishful thinking. The dreaded baptism of fire that our lives seem to have to be to create the people we are is our initiation, our trial, our humble beginnings.

We learn from that, and we move on... if we're lucky... if we're strong enough... if we simply hang on long enough.

Well, today I have to face some of them again.

Kaye, one lasting friend from those times, my soul-sister and kindred spirit, is joining me today and we're going to be big and brave and go out to lunch with these people.

Will I at last be able to sit down with some of these people and show them who I really am?

That remains to be seen.