Bigotry is Ugly

Another week has gone by and still no writing done around here.

All the GST and accounts are done and up to date for this quarter. With that out of the way, I’m still hoping to get into something more meaningful. But it’s hard when you live with someone who hates everything you do. I have to fight and suffer for every second I spend painting or writing. It doesn’t earn any money, you see. I was hoping it would, one day. It takes time.

From last Sunday until Thursday I spent every day being yelled and screamed at for being stupid, for wasting time on useless pastimes and not having the brains to do the books properly. It was really hard to concentrate through all that, but I managed to get it all done… for now.

True bigotry is very hard to live with.

I didn’t realize how much a simple comment could hurt. I guess it’s not so much what was said, but the intention and feelings behind it. When it’s said by someone who is supposed to love you, it makes it so much worse.

I’m as white as any albino, but I’ve always been proud of my gypsy blood with a big dash of aboriginal running through it. Unique is how I see it - richly cultured.

The comment was: “You’re nothing but a white abbo. You don’t have the brains to get out of the gutter.”

Those words alone mean nothing to me. I AM a white abbo. And proud of it. If a friend called me a white abbo, I’d laugh. But a friend wouldn’t mean it in an ugly way.

It wasn’t the words. It was the vicious intent behind them that stung. Even more upsetting is the fact that he actually believes it.

That kind of deep, ingrained prejudice is impossible to shift. So I found out. I thought that being married to me for 25 years would change his mind about something like that. It was only after 10 years of marriage that I found my birth parents. They’re nice people. Ordinary, uneducated, but genuinely nice. There’s nothing pretentious about them. They are who they are and that’s that.

Is it me? Do I come across as inept, stupid and uneducated? I hope not.

I always thought that if you came across someone who is prejudiced about your race, religion or whatever, all you had to do was to let them get to know you and show them from the inside that their original thoughts weren’t true.

Too idealistic. It obviously doesn’t work that way. Or, it really is me who seems to confirm everyone’s wrong beliefs.

I only know one way to live and that is to just be me. In this case, I’m sorry it isn’t good enough.

Now… if I could only find that glue… there are bits falling off my heart…

Tiger 5 months old on January 18, 2006 

Tiger discovering that basil isn't really a dog's idea of a gourmet meal.