I can spot a victim a mile away.
I see them everywhere and meet them almost every day. To the untrained eye, a victim looks just like everybody else. So what is it that gives them away? The expression on their faces? Their downcast visage? Yes, those things do count, but to really tell a victim from a non-victim, you only have to talk to them. They'll give themselves away in the first five minutes.
How did I become so good at spotting these people?
I used to be one of them. Not just one of them - the Queen of all Victims. Damn I was good! Even when nobody else was around to victimize me, I could do a great number on myself. I'd put my 'poor little me' mask on as I got out of bed in the morning and leave it on until I went to bed at night. And I never could see why people were always mean to me, why they used and abused me, set me up mercilessly, etc. I just couldn't see it.
I was a nice, gentle, well-meaning and kind person. But I was a victim. It was in my demeanor. It was in my conversations. I might as well have had it tattooed across my forehead.
I felt like my life was never my own. Nothing I did ever worked out. Other people always got the jobs I went for. I was never chosen to do anything, be anything, or go anywhere. People were always pushing me around and telling me what to do. I felt powerless and ineffectual.
So what changed?
I did.
I changed. I discovered a new way of looking at the world. I opened my eyes to what my life was really like and I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like the person I had become. I wanted to be me. I wanted to take charge of my life and live it the way I desired.
No longer was I content to live in the shadows. I wanted to step right out into the sunlight, to spread my wings and fly. And that's exactly what I did!
How did I do this?
Well, it wasn't easy. I had to get real. By that I mean really real. I had to face myself and be honest about who and what I was. I had to be totally honest about all the things in my past and learn to look at them openly and with a different point of view.
Help wasn't something I'd ever reached out for, but in this case, I did reach out. And my hand was grasped firmly by Maia Berens, my mentor and coach. I'd never had anyone come to my rescue before, and suddenly I had a fairy godmother who was willing to stand beside me and show me how to find myself and get my life back in order.
All those years, I thought I knew myself fairly well, but Maia started to ask me questions I couldn't answer unless I took a fresh look. I had to learn to look back at my life with a spirit of forgiveness, love and willingness to see things as they really were. No excuses.
Do you think that's easy? Try it. Go on, I dare you.
It wasn't easy at all. There were many tears along the way, many stumbles and falls, many times I wanted to hide from myself. Maia encouraged me to stick with it, and I did.
I learned to view life with a Life is a School attitude and a renewed love for myself and strong respect for my life. I started to take charge of my life and make choices. Not only that, but I started to direct my life, change directions, and even begin a new career as a Spiritual Life Coach.
The self-confident person you meet today is far from the downcast victim of yesterday. I learned how to turn my whole life around and really live.
I love my life now. I love making choices and exploring my limitless options. It's a wonderful way to be.
You know something... You can do the same thing I did. You can learn to stop seeing everything that happens in your life as a disaster and start learning from your mistakes. You can start finding the blessings in everything that happens in your daily life. You can take charge of your life and become who you were always meant to be.
If you're interested, and you want to follow my story, I journal at: All About Life Coaching. You can begin a journal there too if you like. It's a great first step towards the new you. Our journal community is an honest, caring place where many of us share our darkest fears and ask for advice from others who have been through similar circumstances. And, guess what? It's completely free.
It's a great place to take that first all-important step on the road to becoming who you really are.
See you there!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Last Morning
6am & I'm awake. This is my last morning here. I'm looking forward to being back home. It has been interesting, as always, but I'm done with it. No more cancer, no more operations. Of course, I still have the radiation to get through. Another interesting experience. Once only will do. Roll on morning. I want to get out of here.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Re: Little Luxuries
Can't get the cappuccino but I can say hi and thanks so much for keeping us posted. We're keeping your (virtual) chair warm.
Love,
Maia
Love,
Maia
On Sat, Aug 14, 2010 at 5:30 PM, <glen3677@bigpond.net.au> wrote:
Oh how wonderful it is to be able to stand up straight, to have a real shower, to wash my hair, to put real clothes on. I feel so good sitting here all dressed. I feel like I have regained some of my humanity. All I need now is a visitor I can con into going down to get a cappuccino for me...
Little Luxuries
Oh how wonderful it is to be able to stand up straight, to have a real shower, to wash my hair, to put real clothes on. I feel so good sitting here all dressed. I feel like I have regained some of my humanity. All I need now is a visitor I can con into going down to get a cappuccino for me...
Waiting
Most of what I've been doing in hospital has been waiting. Waiting for appointments, for tests, results, doctors, to be fed, for a turn in the bathroom, to go home. Waiting. I'm not sure if I've become more used to waiting around or less tolerant of the whole system. Probably both. We have ten of us all using the one toilet & shower. Says a lot about our hospital system.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Saturday
Long day without visitors. I managed to keep amused & did some nice drawings for the exhibition. Getting the drainage tube pulled out of my leg was... Ick! I can't even describe how it felt. Thanks for the experience, but let's not have a repeat performance. Everyone I know who has gone through it laughed when I told them my tube was coming out today. Yeah. Thanks guys. Real hilarious. Now I'm watching cartoons on tv & chuckling away to myself. The hospital is winding down & slipping into evening mode.
Early Morning
This is a very different hospital experience from my last 2 visits. There's an elderly man & I in a small old room. He has the curtain across most of the time so I don't see him often. He's polite but not talkative. I'm being looked after but left alone most of the time. My leg is sore today. Nothing out of the ordinary, but all the other surgeries left my leg numb. Numb is good. I'm waiting for breakfast. I hope I get some today. The food service has been really slack. Now for my positive thoughts for the day... I love the pretty lights outside. One building has a set of vertical lights that cycle through all the colors of the rainbow. I love watching them. I love watching the sky during the day too. My gratitude list: to be alive & well, my 2 sons & their girlfriends who've been visiting me, for the dvds & tv for my entertainment, for all the good wishes & prayers from everyone. My life is truly blessed.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday 13th
Not a good start to the day. I got caught up in my drainage line & almost pulled it out. It's a bit sore now. They forgot my breakfast, but I had some lovely choc cake hidden away & I ate that instead. I manage to keep myself amused watching movies & drawing pictures. If all continues to go well, I will be home on Monday. My wound is a bit sore today, but not bad enough for pain killers. I have an impressive number of stitches. I expect it all to heal very well & quickly.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Night Two
The bed is uncomfortable. What a surprise. I don't have any pain, but moving around is difficult with the leg brace, the canula in the back of my hand & the drainage drip hanging from my thigh. I have tubes everywhere & I'm constantly trying not to tangle or catch on things. The bed is all unmade & askew. This is not a good place if you plan to sleep.
Re: In the Land of the Living
This is so great to know. thank you for letting us know that Heather is still Heather even with scars but alive, emailing and no pain. Fabulous.
Love,
maia
Love,
maia
On Wed, Aug 11, 2010 at 5:46 PM, <glen3677@bigpond.net.au> wrote:
My operation went well after a very long day of waiting. I was brought to the ward at about 9pm. I didn't recover as well as last time, but I feel like my old self this morning after breakfast & sponge bath. I have a big U shaped line of stitches on my thigh. It looks ok & there's no pain.
Re: In the Land of the Living
| Oh, Mate, I'm so glad to hear from you and to hear you are your old self!!!! You have been in my heart all day. --- On Wed, 8/11/10, glen3677@bigpond.net.au <glen3677@bigpond.net.au> wrote:
|
In the Land of the Living
My operation went well after a very long day of waiting. I was brought to the ward at about 9pm. I didn't recover as well as last time, but I feel like my old self this morning after breakfast & sponge bath. I have a big U shaped line of stitches on my thigh. It looks ok & there's no pain.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Re: Arrival
| I feel close to you Heather. I so much appreciate you sending us this message. God is with you and our love too!! --- On Tue, 8/10/10, glen3677@bigpond.net.au <glen3677@bigpond.net.au> wrote:
|
Arrival
I'm at the Alfred Centre. Going up to the 2nd floor where I will be tagged and admitted. Then the waiting begins.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Back Again
Two months after my operation I can at last walk up & down steps. Unfortunately my skin graft died & I now have to go back for another operation. What a bummer.
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