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Monday, October 05, 2009

Melanoma Files

I should start a new blog: The Melanoma Files

Oh dear, I'm afraid someone flicked the silly switch on this morning. I can see the ridiculous side of everything today. I'll try to be serious...!

For the first time since this melanoma made itself known as a lump in my leg, it turned nasty on me. Last night it burned. It was a very strange feeling - a burning from within. Not a nice experience to be sure. Maybe in some way the lump sensed that I'm plotting to have it removed.

I view this cancer as being a natural part of my own body that has gotten out of control. To keep it from growing I've been surrounding it with a ball of golden, loving energy.

You might think that's a bit odd, but let's think about the words we use when we deal with illness.

We "battle" a cold. We "fight" cancer. We "endure", "go ten rounds with", "have a bout of", "bravely soldiering on"...

Getting the picture?

How often have you heard someone telling you that someone they know is "fighting cancer"? Or, having sadly lost someone to cancer they say: "He fought a hard battle right to the end."

If cancer is merely a bunch of your own cells that have grown out of proportion, then "fighting" it means you are fighting yourself. That's a "battle" that's going to turn ugly. I can't even win an argument with myself. Believe me, I've tried. If I lose, I lose; if I win, I still lose.... hmmmm. I'd rather reason with myself any day. At least there's a possibility that I might reach a solution.

My reality is that I've been living with melanomas for over 10 years.

Yes, LIVING with.

When it comes to illness, adversity and other things that frighten us, we suddenly go into battle mode. We want to strike down everything and everyone standing in our way - including ourselves. And, we've come to expect the same from others. We think they should fight. They owe it to us.

But, why don't we say: "He's living with cancer", or "He lived right up until the end"?

I'm sad that some people see that accepting my melanomas and living with them, is in some way a defeat. They think I've given up because I'm not beating my chest and grasping the sword by the hilt. [I've tried sword fighting. A medieval sword maiden I definitely am not. Not in this century, anyway.]

I'm also living with diabetes and a kidney disease [IgAN] that will cause me to be on dialysis some time in the future.

LIVING WITH

Whichever way my body chooses to function, it is still my body and I'll do whatever I can to look after it and keep it healthy. I'm LIVING with it.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to step into a newer model - one with a little less time on the clock; a firmer, fitter, more updated model. But then, running-in a new model always has its problems too.

Let's face it, I'm stuck with this body. I might as well LIVE with it. I've gotten used to it. It has its quirks, but it still goes - and there's still a few more miles in it yet.

Sorry. Silly switch is still on.

Where was I...? Oh yes LIVING!

Live each day as though it is your last.

I understand that sentiment, but... No way!

I'm living each day as though it is my first.

I'm living to plan, planning to live, intending to live right up until the end - whenever that may be.

"Them thar be fightin' words!"

No. They're living words. Words full of the exuberance of life. Words of love, power, energy, light... words to LIVE by.

Cheers!

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Glenloth Earth Tones Art at Zazzle


Gypsy Stone Dukkering

Casting the Stones

Long before the Tarot became synonymous with fortune telling, Gypsies used the natural world around them to help them see into the troubled hearts of those who came seeking knowledge and guidance.
River stones, gems, crystals, sticks, needles and bones were often used by the dunkerer [dukkerer] or palm reader.
I love using my own set of river stones that I personally hand picked and charged with healing energy.
When I read, I'm not so much telling a fortune, as looking into the heart of the energy surrounding the person I'm reading for. I believe this gives a more accurate insight into what is at the heart of a problem or situation and can provide real, down to earth ways of helping people deal with what life sometimes throws at them.
Casting the stones is something I love and I hope to continue with my readings for as long as life will allow.

Láshi Baxt Me Zhav Tute

(May Good Luck from me go with you)

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