Change

Change

I’ve been thinking about change lately and how I deal with it. It’s strange how “change” has become a regular part of my life.

I thought back to my childhood, to a time when I thought change was rare. I tended to believe that things would always go on the way they were. For example: each year I thought summer would last forever, that my friends would be with me forever, that we’d always live where we lived.

That didn’t happen, of course. Summer always turned to autumn, my friends moved away and we shifted to a new house on the other side of town. To a child with no control over life, any kind of change was devastating. I’d cry and grieve for months. I never wanted anything to change, and of course everything did. I couldn’t handle it at all.

I was still a bit like that as an adult. I’d cling to what was comfortable and familiar – even if it was bad. I feared change so much that I’d stay within whatever boundaries I’d set for myself. Like a man clinging to his sinking boat, I would not let go of the rail. No, I’d sit on the bottom of the ocean with the vessel that was familiar, and mourn the loss of the sunlight on the surface.

This new entity that is me, has transformed. Change flows through me and around me all the time. It has become the one constant in my life. My life is not chaotic, though. Far from it. Having embraced change, I have a new sense of inner peace. Change itself has become familiar. Dealing with it has become natural.

It’s an acceptance from within. I have learned that nothing stays the same and I have learned to embrace that fact.

Change can be a challenge, but it also brings new possibilities. All this has come from a change of perspective, a decision to look at life a different way. Instead of change being the big black monster that could take my life away, it has become the wind that stirs the imagination, the current that carries me from one learning experience to another.

Through all this I have learnt a very valuable lesson: the more things change around me, the more I am myself.

Profound Thoughts

Profound Thoughts

for a Wednesday Morning

I was just thinking about the time before I was born into this lifetime and wondering what sort of conversations I had with those souls around me when I asked them to play certain roles in this coming life in order help me learn the lessons I needed to learn from physically living this life.

The veil of forgetfulness that covers our past lives and our spiritual lives does not lift just because you're aware that it is there. It is there for a good reason - so we can make the most of our physical lives and learn all that we can from each life we lead.

So...thinking back to that time before I'd finally made the decision to actually live this life physically, I wonder how I asked someone to play the role of my psychopathic adopted mother?

If you think about this for a moment in terms of actors playing a part, not just anyone can play a twisted role like that. It is highly specialized. If you want an example of great psychopathic acting, look at Heath Ledger as the Joker. Yikes!

Seriously, though, for a soul to inhabit an entire physical lifetime in which they are trapped inside a psychopathic mind - it's a big ask. It would take a very strong, very loving and giving soul to put themselves into such a position just to teach a few other souls a lesson they needed.

This puts me in awe of the role my adopted mother played in my life. I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to agree to spend almost 100 years trapped in a physical body with a demented mind. It's almost unthinkable to me. That's a huge sacrifice. A huge gift.

The lessons I learnt were unique. I know there are many people like me who grew up with one or both parents as psychopaths. You can't help but learn from that. You learn from it and grow strong, or you are broken by it. I wonder how many people are broken by it?

Now that I have released my adopted mother from the need to play the role of the psychopath to my victim role, I wonder if that is why dementia is setting in on her so swiftly? When I come to think of it, at the time of my absolute acceptance of her role and my forgiveness of her as a person, dementia began to creep in to her daily life in very noticeable ways. Is the physical energy of a lifetime of twisted thinking and constant planning of nastiness too much to bear when her time for playing that role is over?

If that is the case, then the more advanced her dementia becomes, the more of a blessing for her it will be.

Looking back on my life in this way puts a whole new perspective on it. I can't help but be humbled by the sacrifices and roles different people have played for me to reach a certain level of enlightenment in this lifetime. Yes, I know it would be a lot more complicated than that. They would also be learning lessons for themselves as well as teaching lessons to others. But just to think about something like that... Awesome!

The love these souls must have for me and others around them to agree to make such a sacrifice...! It's unfathomable, but totally awesome!

That's what my life has been so far - insignificant and ordinary, but awesome! I can't wait to see what the next phase of my life will bring. Or... as I should say: I can't wait to bring the next phase of my life into being.

Yeah! Now that's awesome!