Takes One to Know One

I can spot a victim a mile away.

I see them everywhere and meet them almost every day. To the untrained eye, a victim looks just like everybody else. So what is it that gives them away? The expression on their faces? Their downcast visage? Yes, those things do count, but to really tell a victim from a non-victim, you only have to talk to them. They'll give themselves away in the first five minutes.

How did I become so good at spotting these people?

I used to be one of them. Not just one of them - the Queen of all Victims. Damn I was good! Even when nobody else was around to victimize me, I could do a great number on myself. I'd put my 'poor little me' mask on as I got out of bed in the morning and leave it on until I went to bed at night. And I never could see why people were always mean to me, why they used and abused me, set me up mercilessly, etc. I just couldn't see it.

I was a nice, gentle, well-meaning and kind person. But I was a victim. It was in my demeanor. It was in my conversations. I might as well have had it tattooed across my forehead.

I felt like my life was never my own. Nothing I did ever worked out. Other people always got the jobs I went for. I was never chosen to do anything, be anything, or go anywhere. People were always pushing me around and telling me what to do. I felt powerless and ineffectual.

So what changed?

I did.

I changed. I discovered a new way of looking at the world. I opened my eyes to what my life was really like  and I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like the person I had become. I wanted to be me. I wanted to take charge of my life and live it the way I desired.

No longer was I content to live in the shadows. I wanted to step right out into the sunlight, to spread my wings and fly. And that's exactly what I did!

How did I do this?

Well, it wasn't easy. I had to get real. By that I mean really real. I had to face myself and be honest about who and what I was. I had to be totally honest about all the things in my past and learn to look at them openly and with a different point of view.

Help wasn't something I'd ever reached out for, but in this case, I did reach out. And my hand was grasped firmly by Maia Berens, my mentor and coach. I'd never had anyone come to my rescue before, and suddenly I had a fairy godmother who was willing to stand beside me and show me how to find myself and get my life back in order.

All those years, I thought I knew myself fairly well, but Maia started to ask me questions I couldn't answer unless I took a fresh look. I had to learn to look back at my life with a spirit of forgiveness, love and willingness to see things as they really were. No excuses.

Do you think that's easy? Try it. Go on, I dare you.

It wasn't easy at all. There were many tears along the way, many stumbles and falls, many times I wanted to hide from myself. Maia encouraged me to stick with it, and I did.

I learned to view life with a Life is a School attitude and a renewed love for myself and strong respect for my life. I started to take charge of my life and make choices. Not only that, but I started to direct my life, change directions, and even begin a new career as a Spiritual Life Coach.

The self-confident person you meet today is far from the downcast victim of yesterday. I learned how to turn my whole life around and really live.

I love my life now. I love making choices and exploring my limitless options. It's a wonderful way to be.

You know something... You can do the same thing I did. You can learn to stop seeing everything that happens in your life as a disaster and start learning from  your mistakes. You can start finding the blessings in everything that happens in your daily life. You can take charge of your life and become who you were always meant to be.

If you're interested, and you want to follow my story, I journal at: All About Life Coaching. You can begin a journal there too if you like. It's a great first step towards the new you. Our journal community is an honest, caring place where many of us share our darkest fears and ask for advice from others who have been through similar circumstances. And, guess what? It's completely free.

It's a great place to take that first all-important step on the road to becoming who you really are. 

See you there!