Sunday, January 22, 2006
Bigotry is Ugly
Another week has gone by and still no writing done around here.
All the GST and accounts are done and up to date for this quarter. With that out of the way, I’m still hoping to get into something more meaningful. But it’s hard when you live with someone who hates everything you do. I have to fight and suffer for every second I spend painting or writing. It doesn’t earn any money, you see. I was hoping it would, one day. It takes time.
From last Sunday until Thursday I spent every day being yelled and screamed at for being stupid, for wasting time on useless pastimes and not having the brains to do the books properly. It was really hard to concentrate through all that, but I managed to get it all done… for now.
True bigotry is very hard to live with.
I didn’t realize how much a simple comment could hurt. I guess it’s not so much what was said, but the intention and feelings behind it. When it’s said by someone who is supposed to love you, it makes it so much worse.
I’m as white as any albino, but I’ve always been proud of my gypsy blood with a big dash of aboriginal running through it. Unique is how I see it - richly cultured.
The comment was: “You’re nothing but a white abbo. You don’t have the brains to get out of the gutter.”
Those words alone mean nothing to me. I AM a white abbo. And proud of it. If a friend called me a white abbo, I’d laugh. But a friend wouldn’t mean it in an ugly way.
It wasn’t the words. It was the vicious intent behind them that stung. Even more upsetting is the fact that he actually believes it.
That kind of deep, ingrained prejudice is impossible to shift. So I found out. I thought that being married to me for 25 years would change his mind about something like that. It was only after 10 years of marriage that I found my birth parents. They’re nice people. Ordinary, uneducated, but genuinely nice. There’s nothing pretentious about them. They are who they are and that’s that.
Is it me? Do I come across as inept, stupid and uneducated? I hope not.
I always thought that if you came across someone who is prejudiced about your race, religion or whatever, all you had to do was to let them get to know you and show them from the inside that their original thoughts weren’t true.
Too idealistic. It obviously doesn’t work that way. Or, it really is me who seems to confirm everyone’s wrong beliefs.
I only know one way to live and that is to just be me. In this case, I’m sorry it isn’t good enough.
Now… if I could only find that glue… there are bits falling off my heart…
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Writing Day
Sunday is writing day.
Back to the Shadow Runners. It looks like our friends have found love... of sorts. Jaxxlar doesn't understand how he's ended up in the situation he's in with Dahrrrgh. Ranger would quite happily be involved with Valerian, but he's actually being a gentleman about it all. Valerian, having made up her mind to have him, can't understand why he's backing off.
Where is this all leading? Stuffed if I know. I'm only the author. The characters are telling it like it is. I'm only along for the ride.
Mark of the Condemned.
Seems like this won't be such a short story after all. Why am I not surprised? I'll just let it run and see where it ends up. Don't be surprised if it turns into a novel. I won't be. It has that feel to it. I really like the characters too. They're emerging into real entities.
So... today, forget the garden, forget the accounts, forget everything. Shut the office door and lock the real world out.
Sunday is writing day.
Back to the Shadow Runners. It looks like our friends have found love... of sorts. Jaxxlar doesn't understand how he's ended up in the situation he's in with Dahrrrgh. Ranger would quite happily be involved with Valerian, but he's actually being a gentleman about it all. Valerian, having made up her mind to have him, can't understand why he's backing off.
Where is this all leading? Stuffed if I know. I'm only the author. The characters are telling it like it is. I'm only along for the ride.
Mark of the Condemned.
Seems like this won't be such a short story after all. Why am I not surprised? I'll just let it run and see where it ends up. Don't be surprised if it turns into a novel. I won't be. It has that feel to it. I really like the characters too. They're emerging into real entities.
So... today, forget the garden, forget the accounts, forget everything. Shut the office door and lock the real world out.
Sunday is writing day.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
So Much For That...!
What was I saying about a quieter start to the year?
It's already off to a bad start.
Geoff ended up in hospital with a suspected blockage to his heart. He went down to Melbourne for an angiogram but they didn't find the problem. So now I guess it's back and forth to doctors and specialists and hospitals for tests, more medication and heaps more money. Just great!
In the meantime there's been an interesting development from my kidney disease. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that my right foot was giving me weird signals. That's the only way I can describe it. Weird. Sometimes if feels like there's a wire stretched across my toes. Sometimes it feels like someone hits me right across the toes with a sharp stick. That one actually hurts. It's all very strange.
I went to the doctor the other day -- yes, I actually did take myself this time -- to get some tablets I'd run out of. That must be the eighth deadly sin: Thou shalt not run out of tablets. I just happened to mention to the doctor about my weird foot. I felt like a complete idiot saying: "My foot is giving me weird signals." Anyway, she didn't laugh. It seems that my kidney disease is well known for causing 'peripheral neuropathy'. That doesn't sound really good to me. It seems to suggest that the nerves in my foot might be dying. I have to discuss it with the specialist when I see him in early Feb. Wonderful! One more thing to deal with.
I've had enough already and we're not even out of the first month of the year. Jeez, I'm looking forward to the next 11 months.
I hope my poor shadow runners are faring much better than I am.
It's already off to a bad start.
Geoff ended up in hospital with a suspected blockage to his heart. He went down to Melbourne for an angiogram but they didn't find the problem. So now I guess it's back and forth to doctors and specialists and hospitals for tests, more medication and heaps more money. Just great!
In the meantime there's been an interesting development from my kidney disease. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that my right foot was giving me weird signals. That's the only way I can describe it. Weird. Sometimes if feels like there's a wire stretched across my toes. Sometimes it feels like someone hits me right across the toes with a sharp stick. That one actually hurts. It's all very strange.
I went to the doctor the other day -- yes, I actually did take myself this time -- to get some tablets I'd run out of. That must be the eighth deadly sin: Thou shalt not run out of tablets. I just happened to mention to the doctor about my weird foot. I felt like a complete idiot saying: "My foot is giving me weird signals." Anyway, she didn't laugh. It seems that my kidney disease is well known for causing 'peripheral neuropathy'. That doesn't sound really good to me. It seems to suggest that the nerves in my foot might be dying. I have to discuss it with the specialist when I see him in early Feb. Wonderful! One more thing to deal with.
I've had enough already and we're not even out of the first month of the year. Jeez, I'm looking forward to the next 11 months.
I hope my poor shadow runners are faring much better than I am.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Great Start!
We certainly started this year off with a spark. A fire spark, that is.
New Year's Day began quite ordinarily. I cooked the turkey really early in the morning because it was going to be a hot day and I didn't want the oven on heating up the kitchen.
With that all done, we closed the house up and put the air conditioner on. It climbed to 43 degrees Celsius. The previous day was 42 but the heat was clear. This day was overcast and very windy. A really nasty day.
Lunch went off alright with Geoff, Rhys [son], Susan [friend of mine] and I all sitting around having a casual meal. After that we all went our separate ways. Susan went home, Rhys went around to his girlfriend's house and I decided to go outside to take the washing off the line. All very ordinary -- except for the heat.
I walked around the side of the verandah to where the clothes were hanging and the sky suddenly turned a dirty orange colour. Only one thing turns the sky that colour: bush fire.
Smoke enveloped the place and I thought, "This is not good."
I pulled all the clothes off the line and raced inside to close all the doors and windows and put towels down along all the cracks. The wind was blowing in our direction. I couldn't see any fire but I sure could hear it and smell it. It was roaring and causing the wind to heat up even further.
Geoff came home and I asked him if he'd seen where the fire was. He said no. He rang the fire brigade and they told him that there were 5 fires all around us.
We weren't prepared. We have a flood plan, not a bush fire plan.
The next few hours were spent blocking spouting and drains and filling them with water, trying to get all the leaves and debris off the roof. This wasn't possible because the wind kept blowing leaves and twigs from all the nearby trees. But we did what we could.
Rhys, his girlfriend and her brother arrived and helped. We all put on overalls and nearly cooked. Then the power was cut off by the authorities in case the fire burned the power poles, so the inside of the house became an oven. I was worried about the fish tanks. They were heating up. The fish are all tropical, but I don't think they liked being in 40 degree water. I wondered how I'd save Oscar the oscar. I was considering throwing him in a bucket with a lid on it or something. The other fish would have to perish. Not a nice thought but there'd be no time to save them.
I locked the 2 cats in one room so I could grab them and shove them in a basket if I had to. I put the bird's cage where I could grab him too, and tied the dogs up on the verandah within easy reach. Our only hope would be the lagoon at the back of the house which has 20 foot high sides and plenty of water. We could all shelter there if the worst happened. The road would be blocked as the fire was coming from that direction.
We had hoses connected to every tap. Geoff had the fire fighting tank and pump on the back of his truck, and we had sprinklers ready to go on the house roof. We didn't have any tennis balls to block the down pipes so we had to use rags. The old spouting was leaking all over the place. It was nearly hopeless.
There was nothing we could do for the cattle. They would have to get into the river or anywhere, or follow us into the lagoon if they didn't panic and run. There was no time to think about things or belongings, or even clothes, to save. We put our wallets in our pockets and our car keys and that was about it. Saving ourselves and the living creatures was about all we thought about.
The fear was, that this old place is about 100 years old now and all made of wood. I don't know if we could have saved it. Our only hope was to wet the wood down as much as possible to make it hard to burn. The lovely old antiques inside would be lost forever or damaged beyond repair by the heat.
Helicopters and planes were flying about overhead dumping water and fire trucks were all over the town. Nobody could see anything for smoke and it was all very confusing. The wind kept changing direction and nobody knew which way the fires were going to go.
There were reports of sight seers getting in the way of fire trucks and police. There were kids on bikes heading over to have a look and people on foot out everywhere just watching. One policeman on foot was run down by a car. Luckily he wasn't hurt, but I bet he wasn't happy. Silly people. All they were doing was getting in the way and putting themselves and others in danger.
After about 4 hours of hosing the house down from every direction we could, the wind suddenly died and it began to rain a little -- not enough to make a difference, but it did cool down dramatically which helped. Then the smoke began to clear. The fire was under control.
No houses were lost in Wangaratta. What a relief.
We were left happy, but with a very big lesson in what we should have had ready. As I said before, we're all geared up for floods as we have at least two every year. We're very fire conscious, but right here on the edge of town we don't tend to think of bush fires.
We know different now. We will be as prepared as we can be for next time -- pray that there isn't a next time! In the meantime, I'm going out to buy some tennis balls.
Our animals all survived their ordeal and so did all my fish. It took quite a while for their tanks to cool down, but by early the next morning they were all back to their normal 28 degrees.
All in all, a quite exciting start to 2006. Let's hope the rest of the year is a wee bit quieter.
New Year's Day began quite ordinarily. I cooked the turkey really early in the morning because it was going to be a hot day and I didn't want the oven on heating up the kitchen.
With that all done, we closed the house up and put the air conditioner on. It climbed to 43 degrees Celsius. The previous day was 42 but the heat was clear. This day was overcast and very windy. A really nasty day.
Lunch went off alright with Geoff, Rhys [son], Susan [friend of mine] and I all sitting around having a casual meal. After that we all went our separate ways. Susan went home, Rhys went around to his girlfriend's house and I decided to go outside to take the washing off the line. All very ordinary -- except for the heat.
I walked around the side of the verandah to where the clothes were hanging and the sky suddenly turned a dirty orange colour. Only one thing turns the sky that colour: bush fire.
Smoke enveloped the place and I thought, "This is not good."
I pulled all the clothes off the line and raced inside to close all the doors and windows and put towels down along all the cracks. The wind was blowing in our direction. I couldn't see any fire but I sure could hear it and smell it. It was roaring and causing the wind to heat up even further.
Geoff came home and I asked him if he'd seen where the fire was. He said no. He rang the fire brigade and they told him that there were 5 fires all around us.
We weren't prepared. We have a flood plan, not a bush fire plan.
The next few hours were spent blocking spouting and drains and filling them with water, trying to get all the leaves and debris off the roof. This wasn't possible because the wind kept blowing leaves and twigs from all the nearby trees. But we did what we could.
Rhys, his girlfriend and her brother arrived and helped. We all put on overalls and nearly cooked. Then the power was cut off by the authorities in case the fire burned the power poles, so the inside of the house became an oven. I was worried about the fish tanks. They were heating up. The fish are all tropical, but I don't think they liked being in 40 degree water. I wondered how I'd save Oscar the oscar. I was considering throwing him in a bucket with a lid on it or something. The other fish would have to perish. Not a nice thought but there'd be no time to save them.
I locked the 2 cats in one room so I could grab them and shove them in a basket if I had to. I put the bird's cage where I could grab him too, and tied the dogs up on the verandah within easy reach. Our only hope would be the lagoon at the back of the house which has 20 foot high sides and plenty of water. We could all shelter there if the worst happened. The road would be blocked as the fire was coming from that direction.
We had hoses connected to every tap. Geoff had the fire fighting tank and pump on the back of his truck, and we had sprinklers ready to go on the house roof. We didn't have any tennis balls to block the down pipes so we had to use rags. The old spouting was leaking all over the place. It was nearly hopeless.
There was nothing we could do for the cattle. They would have to get into the river or anywhere, or follow us into the lagoon if they didn't panic and run. There was no time to think about things or belongings, or even clothes, to save. We put our wallets in our pockets and our car keys and that was about it. Saving ourselves and the living creatures was about all we thought about.
The fear was, that this old place is about 100 years old now and all made of wood. I don't know if we could have saved it. Our only hope was to wet the wood down as much as possible to make it hard to burn. The lovely old antiques inside would be lost forever or damaged beyond repair by the heat.
Helicopters and planes were flying about overhead dumping water and fire trucks were all over the town. Nobody could see anything for smoke and it was all very confusing. The wind kept changing direction and nobody knew which way the fires were going to go.
There were reports of sight seers getting in the way of fire trucks and police. There were kids on bikes heading over to have a look and people on foot out everywhere just watching. One policeman on foot was run down by a car. Luckily he wasn't hurt, but I bet he wasn't happy. Silly people. All they were doing was getting in the way and putting themselves and others in danger.
After about 4 hours of hosing the house down from every direction we could, the wind suddenly died and it began to rain a little -- not enough to make a difference, but it did cool down dramatically which helped. Then the smoke began to clear. The fire was under control.
No houses were lost in Wangaratta. What a relief.
We were left happy, but with a very big lesson in what we should have had ready. As I said before, we're all geared up for floods as we have at least two every year. We're very fire conscious, but right here on the edge of town we don't tend to think of bush fires.
We know different now. We will be as prepared as we can be for next time -- pray that there isn't a next time! In the meantime, I'm going out to buy some tennis balls.
Our animals all survived their ordeal and so did all my fish. It took quite a while for their tanks to cool down, but by early the next morning they were all back to their normal 28 degrees.
All in all, a quite exciting start to 2006. Let's hope the rest of the year is a wee bit quieter.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination. That's what this is. I'm supposed to be writing, but here I sit fiddling around with blogs and surfing the net.
I've been catching up with friends over Christmas. Good friends. The genuine ones. The ELBs [remember those from the Anniversary?]are supposed to catch up with me some time before New Year. ELB1 rang me the other day to say "Merry Xmas". Yeah, yeah, we must get together. Sure! I'll believe that when I see it. I rang ELB2 to catch up with her. She also said she'd give me a ring before she goes back to work. Yeah, right!
So... I'll wait and see.
In the meantime, I do have plenty to get done. There's always the GST and accounts to do. Yuk. I think I'll put that off. I shouldn't, but I just can't face them yet. Give me a few days to get over Christmas.
My blood sugar levels have gone crazy. They're way over 12.0, which is ridiculous for me. All my life, I've operated at a level low enough to put most people in hospital - 2 to 3. Now they're up to about 12. That's crazy. I have been very careful about what I've been eating and drinking, so there's really no reason for the dramatic rise. I can't seem to get it to drop. Don't know why.
My blood pressure is also up a little. That's probably because I ran out of one lot of tablets. I have to go back to the doctor to get another prescription. I've been putting it off, but now I'll have to make the appointment. Now, at least, I have two things to complain about: sugar levels and blood pressure.
Man oh man! Must be getting old. What's next? The arthritis playing up...? Don't laugh. With the weather getting hot then cold, it really is playing up. Can't win, can you?
It's supposed to get to 41 degrees Celsius tomorrow. Yay! Bring it on. A nice, clear dry heat. I love it. Saturday is supposed to be a killer though: 39 degrees and stormy. The humidity will drown us.
Okay. Let's not procrastinate all day.
Back to writing. After all... Isn't that what I love doing best?
Yeah.
See ya!
I've been catching up with friends over Christmas. Good friends. The genuine ones. The ELBs [remember those from the Anniversary?]are supposed to catch up with me some time before New Year. ELB1 rang me the other day to say "Merry Xmas". Yeah, yeah, we must get together. Sure! I'll believe that when I see it. I rang ELB2 to catch up with her. She also said she'd give me a ring before she goes back to work. Yeah, right!
So... I'll wait and see.
In the meantime, I do have plenty to get done. There's always the GST and accounts to do. Yuk. I think I'll put that off. I shouldn't, but I just can't face them yet. Give me a few days to get over Christmas.
My blood sugar levels have gone crazy. They're way over 12.0, which is ridiculous for me. All my life, I've operated at a level low enough to put most people in hospital - 2 to 3. Now they're up to about 12. That's crazy. I have been very careful about what I've been eating and drinking, so there's really no reason for the dramatic rise. I can't seem to get it to drop. Don't know why.
My blood pressure is also up a little. That's probably because I ran out of one lot of tablets. I have to go back to the doctor to get another prescription. I've been putting it off, but now I'll have to make the appointment. Now, at least, I have two things to complain about: sugar levels and blood pressure.
Man oh man! Must be getting old. What's next? The arthritis playing up...? Don't laugh. With the weather getting hot then cold, it really is playing up. Can't win, can you?
It's supposed to get to 41 degrees Celsius tomorrow. Yay! Bring it on. A nice, clear dry heat. I love it. Saturday is supposed to be a killer though: 39 degrees and stormy. The humidity will drown us.
Okay. Let's not procrastinate all day.
Back to writing. After all... Isn't that what I love doing best?
Yeah.
See ya!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Boxing Day
We survived Christmas!
I'm glad that's over for another year. I can sit back and relax now. Life can finally return to normal.
It should be a quiet day today. I'm hoping to get a chance to catch up with friends.
See you soon.
I'm glad that's over for another year. I can sit back and relax now. Life can finally return to normal.
It should be a quiet day today. I'm hoping to get a chance to catch up with friends.
See you soon.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
That Time of the Year
Well… here we are. It’s Christmas eve.
The shopping has been done, the tree is up, the presents are under it. Nothing to do now but wait. And worry that there’s something I’ve forgotten. It was too easy. Something has to have been forgotten…! Don’t you just hate that feeling?
At least this year the tree has balls. Well, you know what I mean. The decorations are on it. Last year the tree went up but ended up naked. I thought it didn’t look too bad — a nice fake green tree with presents under it. It was kind of nice. Natural. A back to nature kind of thing.
This year, I have nice new shiny gold and silver balls on it. Only… one whole packet of the gold ones didn’t come with string so I couldn’t hang them. Maybe next year, when I get time to put the string on.
I don’t know what happened to the tree lights. They’re in that cupboard. You know the one. The one where you put everything so you’ll know where it is when you want it. I know they’re in there. I just can’t find them. And I can’t be bothered looking. I know they’ll be there next year.
Never mind. The tree isn’t naked and there’s enough presents under it to make it look like Christmas again.
Have a good one, everybody!
Friday, December 16, 2005
Xmas Panic
Aaaaaargh!
Xmas is coming too fast. I'm not ready. The tree's not up, I can't find the lights, the cards are not sent, the food hasn't been bought, I have presents to get... Man oh man I hate this.
I love all the good will to men and all that stuff, but really... Give me a break here. I've got so much to do I'm not sure if I'm going to make it.
All I want to do is sit and write. Shadow Runners has been left up in the air at a crucial spot. Mark of the Condemned is also hanging out for a completion of a scene. I'm madly doing paintings for Xmas presents. I keep getting interrupted by unimportant things like: paying bills, answering phones, receiving visitors, preparing meals...
Life sure does get in the way of a good time, doesn't it.
I do have some exciting news about my 2 brothers and sister and I. Stay tuned for the next blog. Roughly translated, that means when I have a moment I'll write it all out.
Xmas is coming too fast. I'm not ready. The tree's not up, I can't find the lights, the cards are not sent, the food hasn't been bought, I have presents to get... Man oh man I hate this.
I love all the good will to men and all that stuff, but really... Give me a break here. I've got so much to do I'm not sure if I'm going to make it.
All I want to do is sit and write. Shadow Runners has been left up in the air at a crucial spot. Mark of the Condemned is also hanging out for a completion of a scene. I'm madly doing paintings for Xmas presents. I keep getting interrupted by unimportant things like: paying bills, answering phones, receiving visitors, preparing meals...
Life sure does get in the way of a good time, doesn't it.
I do have some exciting news about my 2 brothers and sister and I. Stay tuned for the next blog. Roughly translated, that means when I have a moment I'll write it all out.
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